Tuesday, April 8, 2008

debbie downer.

you say you want an update.

i've been pretty, as arman zelkjovic would say, sketchh lately.
in that i really have just given up on trying in high school.
i'm utterly fixated on college and making money for college and being hot at college and having a good personality to meet people in college.
it's so sad. it's like i need something to obsess about, and that's my personality.
i hate being type A. i hate it.
but i can't just not care. i'm too passionate, obsessive, dwelling. i'm also going to die about 10 years earlier than someone like sarah gill. but i'm not too upset about that, old age depresses me.

i've been thinking about depression lately. i've been in this AWFUL funk for a couple of months and i've been trying to snap out of it and/or waiting to snap out of it.
it just ain't happening.
i can see myself isolating and becoming reclusive, but i'm okay with that.
i find myself being a raging bitch but i just see it as being cynical.
i take out my stress on those around me, especially on my mom and dad and it's not fair.

okay, i need to stop now.
but maybe now you understand why i haven't been blogging or journaling. i've been in a terrible mood and don't feel good about anything and don't want to write about cute interesting things in my life because i'd rather sit around and be moody and then escape from it all with outlets like the O.C.

1 comment:

e.annie.ashby said...

perfect title.
but it's totally ok.
you deserve to talk about this stuff, too, you know.
even though it freaks me out greatly.
I'm hoping/thinking the funk is some senior deal where you just KNOW there's so much more out there and it's killing you to be stuck where you are.
*crosses fingers*
AKA maybe you're not feeling the best, but it's still good to take time and analyze yourself and figure out WHY, agreed?
So I'm glad you wrote.
love you.
so so much. (hope that helps)